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Melvin Goes to Dinner

Michael Blieden, Matt Price, Stephanie Courtney, Annabelle Gurwitch, Kathleen Roll, Maura Tierney, Drew Hastings, David Cross, Jack Black
Ronald Reagan | cocaine | diazepam | Valium | nicotine | tobacco
Spoiler alert
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Joey tells the others, referring to waitress Karen, "Okay, I like her, but she's psycho." (0:02)

Phrenology bust in Melvin’s office (0:03)

His sister tells Melvin, referring to their parents, "Because I told them I was worried about you." (0:04)

His friend Alex tells Melvin, "We think the waitress is drunk." (0:04)

Joey tells the others, "... I ended up memorizing all the counties." (0:09)

By telephone Joey tells Alex, "First of all, I heard you accosted Lawrence at Ronald Reagan Airport..." (0:10)

Melvin, referring to Feldmar, the psychic: "I've been obsessed with him." (0:13)

Joey tells the others, "Turns out to be this self-help group type thing like EST. You know EST?"
”And the sad part is, I know that there were some poor idiots out there...”
Melvin: ”It sounds like schizophrenia. You can't talk a schizophrenic out of their concept of reality... Before I dropped out of medicine, I did the first six months of my psych residency at the ER in San Diego, and I would admit all the psych patients who wandered in off the street or who were brought in or whatever... ‘Do you have any brain injuries?’” (0:20)

Sign: "Psychiatric Emergency Services"
A psychiatric patient tells Melvin, ”Everyone wants to get me because I have the highest intelligence in the universe... And you guys are the least intelligent.”
”If you just get me an EEG...” (0:24)

Melvin tells the others, "He kept asking for an EEG. He was totally convinced that an EEG would restore him... An EEG doesn't actually do anything to you." (0:26)

Melvin asks the patient, "Now if us nerds have such limited intelligence, how is it that the machine that we built can restore you to being the creatress?" (0:27)

His friend Sarah tells Alex, "Yeah, I mean I was drunk half the time with you." (0:31)

Phenology chart on Melvin's office wall. (0:34)

Melvin tells his sister, "I am so psyched." (0:36)

Their friend Alex tells the others, "I'm like a compulsive scheduler..."
Joey: ”All of you need therapy, or, if anybody wants half a Valium, I'll save you the $125 an hour.”
Melvin: ”Is that really Valium?”
Joey: ”Essentially: diazepam, it's generic.”
Sarah: ”Valium is wonderful, but no thank you.”
Melvin: ”It's like I've had this little walnut of stress, like right at the base of my skull...”
”... but there's this stress always there... and now I can't sleep.”
”... my stress is mine. It makes me feel anonymous to think that I'm going through stress just because every other guy my age goes through it.”
”It's just stress... It's just stress. It's just situationally induced stress.”
Sarah: ”I'll just make a list of the most stressful things that can happen to you.”
Joey: ”... I start going bar to bar, and I get really kind of drunk.”
Sarah, referring to girls from the bar: ”I mean, they probably thought you had coke.”
Melton towels Joey, ”You are paranoid.”
Joey: ”No, I'm not paranoid.”
”I'm not full on paranoid about Steve Eisenberg.”
Sarah, referring to men, ”At least the confused ones stick around.”
Melvin answers Alex, ”I get high and watch pornography.”
”Well, I think that's the thing about a fetish.”
Sarah: ”I didn't say I have an anal fetish.”
Joey: ”Not as sick as your anal fetish.”
Alex: ”Is it better when you're high?”
Melvin: ”The other night I was really super high...” (0:37)

Melvin tells a woman, "If I were to measure it on an EEG... Schizophrenics can't do this. So this one patient, he's schizophrenic. He's smoking cigarettes While I'm running all these tests on him... It turns out, it was the nicotine."
”My point was basically that if you're schizophrenic, smoking might not be a bad idea...” (1:01)

Joey tells Melvin, "I'm a lazy idiot."
Melvin asks Alex, ”Excuse me, are you not in total shock right now?”
Alex: ”So, definitely, I'm still in shock, but I think I'm just suppressing it somehow.”
Sarah, referring to Joey: ”... he's completely hungover.” (1:07)

Alex: "So I became completely depressed. I became a total druggie..."
Referring to a boy named Ryan she accidentally killed: ”... and that's when he started to appear to me.” (1:11)

His girlfriend tells Melvin, "I feel like an idiot." (1:17)