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The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

Cast
Woody Allen, Dan Aykroyd, Helen Hunt, Charlize Theron, Elizabeth Berkley, Brian Markinson, John Schuck, Wallace Shawn, David Ogden Stiers, Arthur J. Nascarella, Mark Rydell
Released
2001
Woody Allen
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

Insurance investigator C.W. Briggs: “Never bet on a horse who has Parkinson’s.” (0:03)

Efficiency expert Betty Ann tells C.W., “You’d hate any woman who doesn’t have a double digit IQ.” (0:05)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “Maybe your husband committed suicide...” (0:08)

Betty Ann tells her insurance executive boss and lover Chris magruder, referring to C.W., “He’s this shallow skirt chasing egomaniac who’s probably more lucky than good.” (0:11)

C.W. tells performer Voltan, “I can’t get hypnotized.”
Voltan puts C.W. and Betty Ann in a trance.
Betty Ann, referring to C.W.: ”He’s a sleazy little megalomaniac who’s frightened of women.”
Voltan: “You are now at the first level of trance... When I say the word Constantinople you will instantly drop into the deepest hypnotic trance... You will not know that you are in a trance...” (0:14)

C.W. tells coworker Al, “You’re crazy... This is a conspiracy to make me appear crazy.” (0:18)

By telephone Voltan tells C.W., “You are in a deep trance... You will... have no memory of anything that has occurred... nothing that has occurred under trance.” (0:20)

Wealthy femme fatale Laura asks C.W., “You prefer jazz or opium?” (0:25)

Betty Ann tells C.W., “Look, I appreciate the value of intuition to a point...”
”C.W.: “Look, according to you I’m only threatened by women with high IQs.” (0:27)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “Why are you so nervous.”
Betty Ann: “Nervous? Why would I be nervous?” (0:29)

C.W. tells Al, “I have no memory of being with anybody last night.”
Al: “All the more reason you blacked out.” (0:37)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “You know, only a suspicious, paranoid mind would say something like that.”
“Now you’re mixing metaphors...” (0:39)

Betty Ann tells Magruder, “I’m not gonna faint.”
”Are you nuts?” (0:43)

C.W. stops Betty Ann from jumping from her window.
He tells her, “But you were so nervous the other night when I caught you up there...”
”Are you crazy?” (0:45)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “Well this happens to be a very confusing case.”
Betty Ann: ”I’ll say you’re confused.”
C.W.: ”And let you do something crazy?”
”Like take a swan dive out the window.” (0:48)

C.W. asks Betty Ann, “Why did you come here with this crazy story?”
Bett Ann: “My instinct’s telling me you’re not the one.”
C.W.: “I didn’t think you had instincts.”
”You know, I think you’re still hooked on Magruder.”
”I could look into your eyes and tell you how crazy about you I am.” (0:54)

Betty Ann tells Magruder, referring to C.W., “... I wonder if he’s having some kind of mental breakdown.”
”Could he have a split personality?”
”You’re saying he’s just cracked after so many years of hard work?”
Magruder: “You’re certainly not as euphoric as I’d imagined.” (1:02)

C.W. tells the Coopersmiths, “I’ll check every low IQ club in town.”
Herb Coopersmith: ”Low IQ...” (1:05)

C.W. tells Magruder, “... this crazy girl who smoke opium makes up a story...” (1:05)

Laura asks C.W., “Why, you plan on using the insanity defense?”
”Nervous.” (1:06)

By telephone Voltan tells Betty Ann, “You are in a deep trance...” (1:11)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “That’s funny, ‘cause I’ve had some crazy dreams myself lately.”
”It’s a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel...”
”If you’re gonna marry me, we should call Bellevue. You need a little electric shock, I think, honey.”
”I’m gonna swoon.” (1:13)

C.W. tells Betty Ann, “... I had the feeling that down deep... you were really crazy about me.”
Betty Ann: ”Crazy about you? What, were you dropped on your head?”
”... so if I was undressing you or trying to kiss you, I must have multiple personalities.” (1:15)

C.W. asks Al and George, “What is the name of the magician who now I’ve completely repressed.”
George referring to Voltan: “He put you into a trance...”
”And then you were awakened in a posthypnotic state...”
”You’ll have no memory of what has occurred.”
Al: “George, you think you can... set him loose from the trance for good?”
George: ”Your memory will be clear... You’ll be completely free from your trance... The word Constantinople... will not put you back into your hypnotic state.” (1:23)

Voltan tells Betty Ann, “In fact, you will have no memory of any of this ever.”
C.W. tells Voltan, “I have just an instinct that tells me that.”
C.W. tells Betty Ann, “It’s such a shame that you’re gonna have to actually wake up from this... fabulous illusion.” (1:27)

Magruder tells C.W., referring to Laura, “She’s a little demented, but...” (1:31)

Betty Ann tells C.W., referring to Magruder, “Your instinct told you he would never leave his wife.”
C.W.: ”My instincts are good, but... try not to jump out of any windows.” (1:32)

C.W. tells the others, referring to George, “You know, if George didn’t know magic or hypnosis... I never would have known anything.”
George: “... the person would not do anything under hypnosis that they would not do in real life.”
Al tells C.W., “It’s my instinct...” (1:33)

Magruder tells C.W., “... I think your idea of moving on professionally wasn’t so crazy.”
”Betty Ann, you have a crazy look in your eye.” (1:35)