Bad Moms

Her coworker Tessa tells sales rep Amy Mitchell, "... I am so... hungover, I might actually die."
”... I don’t truly know where I am yet.” (0:03)

Amy’s daughter Jane tells Amy, "Coach is posting a list of who made the team tonight at 9:00, and I’m so nervous."
Amuy: ”Just don’t freak out.” (0:06)

Jane tells Amy, "I’m freaking out." (0:06)

Amy tells PTA Pres. Gwendolyn James, "I have been... knocked unconscious... my boss is a... moron." (0:15)

Single mom Carla Dunkler tells Mom Kiki, "You’re bat shit crazy."
Carla completes Amy’s question, ”The Fast and Furious. I... Vin Diesel when he was in town doing Furious 6.”
Amy: ”We’re killing ourselves trying to be perfect, and it’s making us insane.” (0:18)

Amy tells Carla, referring to Amy’s husband, "I caught Mike having an affair online with a woman..." (0:27)

Amy asks Jane, "You psyched for Mandarin class?"
Jane: ”Mandarin class is so stressful.”
Amy: ”Don’t worry.” (0:32)

Carla tells Amy and Jane, "Get in here, you idiots." (0:32)

Jane tells Amy, "You look like Kung Fu Panda." (0:33)

Carla tells Amy and Kiki, "This is something that Mrs. Doubtfire would wear." (0:36)

Amy tells Carla and Kiki, "I’m really nervous, you guys." (0:41)

Jessie Harkness tells Amy, "... you do all those insane projects."
”Don’t worry about it.” (0:43)

Amy asks Mike, "You’ll finally go to therapy with me?"
Mike: ”Therapy is so dumb.”
”... I will go to therapy.”
Mike: ”Are we gonna go to therapy, or what?” (0:46)

Gwendolyn tells the others, "Amy’s husband just recently left her, so she’s kind of having a mental breakdown right now." (0:48)

Kiki tells Amy, referring to Gwendolyn, "She’s got the drunk moms."
”The moms that used to be dads.”
Amy: ”... she wants... our kids to be hyper-stressed...” (0:48)

Kiki huffs from a whipped cream can. (0:57)

Amy tells the moms, "... so if you’re a mom who’s overworked, overstressed..." (1:00)

Amy tells Jessie, "Oh, I was so worried." (1:03)

Sign: "FAMILY COUNSELING"
Mike and Amy in session with Dr. Elizabeth Karl
Amy tells Mike, ”I like that you came to therapy today.”
Karl: ”Well, as a therapist, I’m not allowed to tell you what to do...” (1:04)

Principal Daryl Burr tells Amy, "I found marijuana cigarettes in you daughter’s locker."
”That girl rolls a real tight J.” (1:09)

Jane tells Amy, "You are so selfish, Mom. You are so selfish, and it frigging sucks." (1:10)

Gwendolyn tells two other moms, "Amy Mitchell’s daughter got busted for drugs."
”... do we want someone who is that reckless and irresponsible and mentally unhinged alcoholic to be president of the PTA?”
”I think now we just need to pray that Amy’s little crackhead daughter gets the help she needs.” (1:10)

Mike tells Amy, "Oh, the Waldorf’s dog-friendly, so don’t worry." (1:12)

Amy: "God, this movie’s depressing." (1:14)

Carly tells Amy, "I mean, I sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high."
Kiki: ”Because we have low self-esteem.”
Carla: ”It’s because we love our stupid, selfish, ungrateful, shit-faces.”
”... turn off 12 Years a Slave...” (1:15)

By telephone, Kent tells Kiki, "The kids are going insane." (1:18)

Amy, addressing the PTA: "Sometimes I’m so crazy that I don't even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth."
Mother: ”I confiscated my son’s weed, and then I smoked the shit out of it.”
Mother: ”I give my kids a Benadryl every Tuesday night so I can watch The Voice.”
Mother: ”I let my 7-year-old watch Mad Max.” (1:20)

Gwendolyn tells Amy, "... I have night terrors, and I have to take Vicodin every 20 minutes, and I’m not even in any pain." (1:25)

Jane tells Amy, "And, I’m sorry for acting so crazy about the whole soccer thing." (1:27)

Kristen Bell’s mother: "I just asked for Demerol." (1:33)

Actor Chritina Applegate: "When I was nine years old, uh, my mom took me to see Cruising in the theaters, because she loved Al Pacino.
”Cruising is a movie about a man investigating the underworld of S&M gay clubs..." (1:33)

Kathryn Hahn, "It’s nuts being a mom, guys." (1:35)