Produce business owner Allen Bauer tells his secretary Mrs. Stimler, "Our father passed away five years ago." (0:08)
His brother Freddie tells Allen, "How drunk you get is dependent on how much alcohol you consume..."
Allen: ”Freddie, I don’t want to get drunk.”
Freddie: ”But you are drunk. You see, a sober person would have reached for the pretzels.” (0:13)
A woman bar patron tells a man and Allen, "You’re both crazy." (0:15)
Researcher Dr. Walter Kornbluth tells Allen, "Just me and the moron twins." (0:19)
Boatman Fat Jack tells Allen, "You look a little nervous." (0:20)
The boat hits Allen on the head. (0:22)
Allen tells worker Jerry, "Don’t worry about it." (0:30)
A saleslady asks mermaid Madison, "You saw Annie Hall 100 times?... My daughter... She’s anorexic." (0:38)
Television in department store: "It’s Crazy Eddie’s... Crazy Eddie’s slashing prices... It’s Crazy Eddies’ greatest clearance sale ever... with prices that are insane! Crazy Eddie..." (0:39)
Allen tells Madison, "I’m confused." (0:42)
Kornbluth tells a crewman, referring to a newspaper article, "You have perversion." (0:51)
Freddie asks Allen, referring to Madison, "If you’re not in love with her, how come these little things she does drive you crazy so much, huh?"
”I think she was in shock from being arrested...”
Freddie hits himself with a ball, leaving himself unconscious. (0:58)
Kornbluth tells the Secret Service, "I am not crazy." (1:18)
Allen tells Madison, referring to Kornbluth, "He was crazy then." (1:18)
Freddie tells Allen, "... that is, of course, when you weren’t driving yourself crazy." (1:26)
Kornbluth asks scientist Dr. Ross, "... are you considering the possibility that you might be a sadistic pig?" (1:27)
Dentist holding syringe: "Painkiller, Mr. Kornbluth."
Kornbluth: ”I don’t deserve any painkiller.”
Kornbluth accidentally injects himself.
Kornbluth tells Allen, ”I just had to prove to everybody that I wasn’t crazy.” (1:29)
Kornbluth asks guard Buckwalter, "Are you crazy? Do you want to create a national panic?" (1:35)