Lieutenant Alderson asks Newman, "Are you under the impression I'm here as a patient?"
Newman: ”Here I was making a brilliant spot diagnosis.”
”We're short of... everything except patients.”
Alderson: ”Our charts show an alarming increase in neuropsychiatric cases.”
Corporal Gavoni: ”Haskell’s hallucinating...”
Newman: ”You couldn't convince anyone that these were symptoms -- symptoms, and that the symptom is a red flag with danger written all over it... So acute anxiety cases were sent into combat, and sooner or later they began to crack up.”
”You ever been inside of a psychiatric ward?”
Orderly Sgt. Kopp tells Newman, ”No, he's not a patient. He's a hospital orderly.”
Nurse 1st Lt. Blodgett tells Newman, ”I put Miller in wet packs.”
She tells Alderson, ”If you're a member of the club, it means sodium Pentothal treatment.” (0:05)
Another officer tells Newman: "Symptomatic of mental disturbance... because he doesn't belong with your prize collection of oddballs, malingerers, and yellow bellies... " (0:10)
Newman tells the patients, "You guys seem a bit depressed this morning."
”One of these days you guys are going to drive me nuts.”
Patient Arthur Werbel tells Newman, ”Patient slept fine.”
Newman: ”You're going to have to develop some symptoms. I'm not going to keep you in here unless you can show me some symptoms.”
Werbel: ”Symptoms?... Now that alone proves I'm off my rocker...”
Werbel rages at Alderson.
Patient Bobby seems unable to speak.
Patient Carozzo: ”Nurse, give this patient 20 cc's of flak juice... Just a little wacky... thinks he's a psychiatrist.”
Newman: ”Well, it’s all that stuff you've got me on, Carozzo, gives me delusions of grandeur.” (0:11)
Newly-hired orderly Captain Jackson Leibowitz asks Newman, "A mental ward?"
Newman: ” Psychiatric cases.”
Newman: ”They're not nuts.”
Leibowitz: ”Look doc, you're not going to put me in a nuthouse.”
”Already I'm a patient.”
Newman: ”The boys in my ward are just depressed.”
”The patients in my ward are not allowed to have matches or razors... ”
Leibowitz: ”You are putting me in a booby hatch.”
Newman: ”You look like an intelligent...”
Leibowitz: ”From a psychiatrist I expect understanding.”
”Hey, already I'm hearing things.” (0:19)
Leibowitz tells the patients, "Come on, you crazy bums." (0:22)
Newman tells Colonel Larrabee, "It worries me." (0:23)
Nurse 1st Lt. Francie Corum tells Newman, "Try Sodium Pentathol. It's wonderful stuff for getting at the truth..." (0:24)
Leibowitz tells Newman, "From a psychiatrist I expect honestness." (0:27)
Newman tells Corum, "Well, if we are both peeping Toms, let's have a drink to that."
Corum: ”Just what makes you think I'd join that big funny farm of yours?”
”Don't give me any of your psychiatric...” (0:29)
Newman tells Corum, referring to patient Colonel Bliss, "I was shouting at his symptoms." (0:36)
Orderly Gavoni tells a patient, "Come on buddy, nothing to worry about." (0:38)
Nurse Blodgett tells Newman, "Jordan is scheduled for Pentathol at 2:00." (0:39)
Leibowitz tells Newman, referring to patient Tompkins, "Now for five nights in a row he has snuck out of his room and got himself plastered. They seem to think they've got an ordinary lush on their hands, but in my opinion he is a disturbed personality... My diagnosis is depression, agitated, troublemaker.." (0:39)
Quorum quotes Blodgett’s notes to Newman, "Patient still lethargic, still refuses to speak." (0:41)
Bliss tells Newman, "You see, doctor, I'm thoroughly conversant with your psychiatric jargon."
”One patient with no case history. One case history with no patient.”
Newman: ”I didn't come here for the purpose of providing a patronising patient with a plethora of private pleasure.”
Bliss: ”Is Mr. Future mad, sir?... Is Mr. Future mad, or is he not mad?”
”... oh penetrating prophet of the psyche.”
”But to a good psychiatrist, isn't the act of concealment very revealing in itself?”
Newman: ”Mr. future, you are too intelligent a man to spend the rest of your days in a mental hospital.” (0:41)
Corum tells Newman, referring to patient Captain Winston, "The Evac NP tried shock and Pentathol." (0:47)
Leibowitz tells Gavoni, "You've already thrown the whole ward into a trauma."
”Gavoni, that's very bad psychology. You've given everybody a guilt complex.”
”Remember Lost Weekend?”
”Gavoni, may I remind you of a cardinal rule in the field of psychiatry? In the words of Sigmund Freud...” (0:52)
Leibowitz tells Newman the letter from Tompkins is addressed to "Big Shot, cuckoo squad" (0:55)
Tompkins tells Newman, referring to drinking alone, "It turns him into an alcoholic."
Newman: ”Tompkins, this stuff won't turn you into an alcoholic... ”
”You get swacked to run away from memory.”
Tompkins: ”Doc, you give me the flak juice.”
Newman: ”... more pills to help you sleep, then we'll give you the flak.”
Tompkins: ”Boy, they sure picked the right guy to boss the looney squad... ” (0:56)
Newman prepares a syringe and injects Tompkins’ arm. Tompkins relates a traumatic combat experience.
Tompkins: ”So that was flak juice, huh?” (1:00)
Newman tells Corum, "You don't get shot down in a psychiatric ward." (1:10)
Newman tells Leibowitz, "You mustn't confuse sadness with depression, professor." (1:15)
In a board meeting, Bliss Identifies himself only as Mr. Past and Mr. Future. He tells the officers, “But enough of this prattle of idiots.”
Larrabee reads the recommendation that Bliss ”... be committed to a Veteran's Hospital for prolonged treatment Under full custodial care.”
Newman: ”Based on this a slow careful pattern of treatment is indicated.” (1:20)
Bliss lets himself fall to his death. (1:23)
Leibowitz tells Newman, "Don't worry, doc."
Leibowitz tells a sheep, ”This is no time to be neurotic.” (1:28)
Alderson tells Newman, "Oh, well, I still stutter a little." (1:30)
Newman tells a general, referring to Winston, "Sodium Pentathol negative so far."
General, referring to the base: ”It becomes a permanent mental hospital.” (1:30)
Corum tells Newman, referring to Leibowitz, "His post-war plan: a huge psychiatric kartel to be known as Newman and Leibowitz."
Newman: ”Neurosis tout.” (1:34)
Newman tells Winston's wife Helene, "Mrs. Winston, this is a psychiatric ward." (1:37)
Newman asks a soldier, referring to the Italian prisoners of War, "Are they mental cases?"
By telephone, Newman asks Pyser, ”Isn't it a violation of the Geneva Convention to put prisoners of war in a psychiatric ward?”
Pyser: ”And don't go probing around looking for any symptoms.” (1:41)
Newman tells Larrabee, referring to Winston, "No one is worrying about the patient."
”Cooshy Flinn Is a patient.”
Leibowitz: ”I could always claim he was off his head...”
”The money I saved... went for presents for my patients.” (1:45)
Newman and Corum learn of the death of one of the patients and share their grief. (2:02)