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Dirty Grandpa

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Cast
Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Aubrey Plaza, Zoey Deutch, Julianne Hough, Dermot Mulroney, Brandon Smith, Jason Mantzoukas, Mo Collins, Henry Zebrowski, Adam Pally, Danny Glover, Jake Picking
Released
2016
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine | alprazolam | Xanax | crack cocaine | heroin | marijuana | methamphetamine | peyote | psylocybe | testosterone
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

Funeral for Jason’s Grandma.
Jason asks his cousin Nick, “Are you... high right now”
”You’re as high as a kite.”
Nick: “It’s an e-cigarette. It’s filled with a little weed, but it’s an e-cigarette.”
Jason gives Grandma’s picture a shotgun.
”I just blew a shottie at Grandma’s memory.” (0:02) J

ason’s fiancée Meredith tells him, “I’m just freaking out.” (0:07)

Jason’s professor grandfather Dick tells two golfers, referring to Jason, “He’s a retard.”
Nick tells them, “I’m actually a lawyer, not a retard.” (0:17)

Jason asks Dick, “What is your obsession with my ass?” (0:20)

Dick tells Jason, “I’m just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone first. ”By telephone Jason tells Meredith, “It’s a waiter with pretty bad Tourette’s, I think.” (0:22)

Jason tells Dick, referring to Meredith, “She just gets, like, anxious when she doesn’t know exactly where I am.”
Dick: “Don’t panic; it’s organic.” (0:24)

Store clerk Pam tells Dick and Jason, “I will not ever sell you drugs out of this establishiment!”
Dick: “We didn’t ask you to sell us drugs.”
Pam: “In which case, welcome to drugs.”
”I got weed. I got mushrooms. I got meth.”
Jason: “I got meth?” (0:25)

Lacrosse player Cody tells Dick, “Well you guys should get in there, Edward... hands.” (0:28)

Prescription bottle: “Xanax
Dick spikes the beer. (0:30)

Pam tells the other partiers, “Let’s celebrate by buying local drugs from a reputable local drug dealer.”
He tells Jason, “I’m selling drugs, man...”
Jason: “E is for weed.”
Jason takes a long toke.
Pam: “This is crack.”
”Maybe that one’s crack, and this one’s weed.”
Jason: “Which one’s crack?”
Pam: “Don’t freak out... They’re both crack.”
”You have probably taken an amount that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes.”
Jason: “I just smoked crack?”
”I just smoked crack. I just smoked crack.”
Dick tells Shadia, referring to Jason, “He’s just a little drunk.”
Jason: “Everybody love crack. Bee loves crack. Bee loves some crack.” (0:33)

A dad on the beach calls Jason “pervert.” (0:38)

Officer Reiter tells Pam “You tried to sell peyote to middle schoolers.”
Jason tells Reiter, referring to Pam, ”He’s the one that sold me crack.”
Pam tells Officer Finch, “I came in here with some drugs in a bag. It would be great if I could leave with those drugs in a bag.”
Jason: “I’m incredibly sorry for all this confusion...”
Reiter: “Get that pervert some pants.” (0:40)

Jason: “Grandpa, you’re just depressed. You’re confused right now because of Grandma.”
”And, you know what, it... freaks me out.” (0:46)

Pam tells the audience, referring to Jason, “I happen to know he smoked crack last night... and I’m also selling meth.”
Jason: “Am I on drugs?” (0:49)

Pam: “What an idiot.” (0:52)

By telephone Dick tells a doctor, “Keep him heavily sedated...”
”Your father stopped talking to me...” (0:53)

Heavy drinking (0:56)

Jason tells Shadia and her friend Bradley, “I smell marijuana.”
Gangster Tyrone, referring to Dick: ”That nigga’s crazy, man.”
Lenore takes a toke from a glass pipe and gives Dick a shotgun.
Man: “Shotgun”
Dick shows Jason a large blunt.
”You’re smoking grass now? Jesus, this is a gateway drug, Grandpa.” (1:04)

Cody handles a bag of marijuana.” (1:07)

Dick tells Jason, “I remember your grandmother, she tried to grow her own pot plant once.” (1:09)

Finch, holding the bag of marijuana: “Well, it looks like spring break is finally drug free.” (1:13)

Dick tells Jason, “Hakuna matata.”
Jason: “I should have known you were... crazy...”
Referring to Meredith: ”If you marry her, you’re gonna be sleepwalking the rest of your life.”
Jason: “... and this insane... rampage you’ve been on...” (1:13)

Nick tells Jason, “At this point I’m kind of nervous that anybody I pick will have a disability.” (1:21)

Pam tells Jason, “It is so easy selling kids drugs from an ice cream truck. It’s crazy.”
Pam tells Jason’s father David, ”Hey guy, unless you want a Chipwich or some heroin, get off my ice cream truck.”
Pam tells Dick, referring to the bus driver, “I sold him like six tons of ecstasy... It’s full of drugs.” (1:23)

Reiter tells David, “Someone drew dicks all over your face, you idiot.”
Pam tells Finch, “The bus is full of drugs.” (1:29)