Father Figures

Businessman Kyle: “Life is so crazy, man.” (0:05)

Kyle asks his urologist twin brother Peter, “How psyched are you for Mom finding true love again? (0:06)

Kyle, referring to a television character: “Foot fetish.”
”Are you on acid right now, Pete?” (0:10)

Their mother Helen tells Peter and Kyle, “It was the crazy ‘70s.”
”... everybody was high... and the mood...”
Helen’s new husband Gene: ”The priority was smoking weed...”
Peter: “Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now?” (0:11)

Peter tells the others, “That’s insane.” (0:15)

Kyle tells a flight attendant, referring to himself and Peter, “... we’re a little nervous and a whole lot excited.”He tells another passenger, “Stop projecting.” (0:20)

Peter tells Kyle, “Ever since the divorce I’ve been a little depressed, okay?”
Kyle: “You don’t think I know what it’s like to be depressed?” (0:22)

Kyle: “You cannot be nervous, Peter.” (0:23)

Peter and Kyle’s newly discovered ex football star father Terry Bradshaw tells Peter, referring to his wife, “She knows all about my crazy past.” (0:28)

Terry’s wife tells Terry, “Listen, Sweetie, this is insane, okay?” (0:28)

Terry tells Peter and Kyle, referring to Helen, “That woman just drove me crazy sometimes.” (0:30)

Terry’s ex football star friend Rod Hamilton tells Terry, referring to Wall Street guy Roland, “... that skinny white dude, used to throw around the money and coke.” (0:33)

A man in a toilet stall tells Kyle, “Sir, this is crazy, but you’re gonna have to pee on my kid.” (0:37)

Kyle tells Peter, referring to Roland, “He’s in shock, right?” (0:44)

A man tells the others, “This is insanity.” (0:49)

Kyle tells Peter, “I understand how Luke Skywalker felt now.” (0:52)

Roland tells Kyle and Peter, “I got busted dealing coke... by some... narc.”
”You look like a couple of junior narcs.” (0:54)

Peter asks Kyle, “Do you realize how insane you sound?” (0:55)

Peter asks Kyle, “Are you... crazy?”
Kyle asks a hitchhiker, ”We got a nervous Nelly here...”
Hitchhiker: ”There’s a lot of nuts out there.”
”I’m an idiot, man, idiot, idiot.”
Peter asks Kyle, “Are you... crazy?”
Kyle tells the hitchhiker, referring to Peter, ”That way you can’t rape or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here.”
Hitch-hiker, referring to Peter: “There’s like a rage pulsing through his entire body.”
Peter tells Kyle, referring to the car keys, “Go get ‘em, you idiot.” (0:57)

Kyle; “I’m just an idiot, Pete.”
Peter: “You’re not an idiot, Kyle.”
Kyle: “Because you’re an idiot.”
Peter: “I’m a... idiot. I’m a big dumb idiot.” (1:06)

The hitchhiker tells policeman, “It’s crazy.” (1:08)

A policeman tells Peter and Kyle, referring to Paddy, another policeman they believe might be their father, “Had one of the biggest coke busts in history.” (1:10)

Wake for Paddy
Paddy's son Liam tells Peter and Kyle, referring to Liam’s brother Sean, “My brother’s a moron.” (1:22)

Liam tells the others, referring to Kevin, it’s not Paddy, you idiot.” (1:26)

Kevin tells Sean, “Not now, you moron.” (1:29)

Veterinarian Walter Tinkler’s assistant Ali tells Kyle and Peter, “... I did get kicked out of a threesome in college, and that was very traumatic.”
Dr. Tinkler tells Kyle, “It’s a tranquilizer gun.” (1:32)

Walter tells Helen,“I got shot by a tranquilizer dart, and I’m a little woozy.”
Ali: “Drugs...” (1:35)

Kyle tells his infant twins, “Life is such a crazy ride.”
”But let’s not get distracted.” (1:44)