Ira & Abby

Psychology student Ira on psychoanalyst Dr. Friedman’s couch: “You know, lonely, panicked, can’t focus... I like this couch.”
Friedman: ”I think this treatment has run its course.”
”I’ve been listening for 12 years, and you’re not making any progress.”
Ira: “But this is long-term analysis.”
Friedman: “I have another patient waiting.” (0:00)

Gym sales person Abby tells patron Henry, “That’s crazy.” (0:09)

Ira tells Abby, “I’m a psychologist...”
”... but I don’t see patients.”
Abby: “You’re the psychologist, right?”
Ira: “A problem child in constant recovery.”
”This is... crazy... going into therapy...” (0:14)

Ira tells his psychoanalyst mother Arlene, referring to his girlfriend, “No, I’m not really crazy about Lea in that way anymore.”
Arlene: ”Since when are you not crazy about Lea?”
”We’re crazy about Lea.”
Arlene tells Ira’s psychoanalyst father Seymour, ”I told you he never should have stopped the Paxil.”
Ira: “I know it sounds crazy...”
”You’re therapists.”
Seymour: “Analysts. We’re analysts.” (0:19)

Arlene tells Abby, referring to Ira, “He’s neurotic.”
Ira: “That’s depressing.”
Arlene: ”With one of my patients.” (0:22)

Ira plays back a message from Arlene on his answering machine: “Maybe Abby has a multiple personality disorder...”
Ira: “Crazy.” (0:26)

By telephone Ira tells Abby, “Even though I’m a little freaked out.” (0:27)

Abby’s mother Lynney tells Arlene, “So, I hear you’re both therapists.”
Arlene and Seymour: “Analysts.”
Ira: “Therapists talk. Analysts listen.” (0:30)

Abby reads a card from Ira’s parents: “This certificate entitles Mrs. and Mrs. Ira Black to one year of couples therapy on us with Dr. Morris Saperstein.” (0:37)

Ira tells Abby, “Class was really crazy today...” (0:38)

Ira tells Dr. Friedman he’s feeling “no anxiety.” (0:39)

Lea asks Ira whether he’s sorry about “the intermittent erectile dysfunction.” (0:41)

Abby tells Ira, “Maybe I should be a therapist...” (0:43)

Abby and Ira in session with psychotherapist Saperstein. Abby: “I’ve never been in therapy before.”
Saperstein: ”... and it’s all just a little crazy.” (0:44)

Arlene tells Michael, “I had a patient cancel at the last minute...” (0:47)

Ira tells Abby, “I can’t believe you won therapy.”
”Oh God, how humiliating it is to be a therapist and have two parents who are therapists”
Abby: ”Analysts.”
Ira: ”And you have never even been to therapy and doesn’t even believe in therapy...”
”Oh God, That’s all I need is another therapist to tell me I’m crazy and you’re sane and charming... you’re the crazy one. You’re crazy, kooky ...”
Abby: “I’m the crazy one. I’m crazier. Hey, I’m crazy, by the way. I’m the crazy one of us two. I’m the crazy one, just so you guys know.”
Ira: “Yeah, you are crazy. You are crazy.”
Abby: “I’m the crazy one.”
Ira: ”Your parents... Your parents are crazier than my parents.”
Abby: “My parents are crazier than yours.” (0:48)

Arlene tells Michael, “I have a patient at 2:00.” (0:50)

Abby tells Ira, “I thought you were still mad, ‘cause I won therapy.” (0:51)

Ira tells Abby, “I’m sorry I got so crazy.” (0:54)

Abby and Ira in session with psychotherapist Dr. Silverberg. (0:55)

By telephone Arlene asks Ira, “Are you gonna take your own life?”
Ira: ”No, I’m not gonna take my own life.”
Arlene: “not to mention those crazy parents.” (1:00)

Ira leaves a message on Friedman’s answering machine: “I’m just gonna do a session over the phone.” (1:02)

Michael Arlene “This is crazy.”
Michael: ”It’s like some kind of drug or something.” (1:02)

Ira tells Dr. Friedman, “Maybe we need our delusions, right?... and the kid with the stutter can suddenly talk fine.”
He watches a scene from Harvey on his television.” (1:03)

Ira tells Michael, “See I saw Harvey tonight on A.M.C.” (1:05)

Abby addresses the wedding guests: “My therapist says it’s probably because...” (1:09)

Ira in psychotherapy session with Dr. Goldberg (1:10)

MIchael in psychotherapy session with Dr. Goldman. “But I seem to have this addiction...” (1:10)

Seymour psychotherapy session with a patient. (1:11)

Arlene in psychotherapy session. (1:11)

By telephone Seymour asks Arlene, “Which patient?” (1:14)

Ira asks Seymour, “Well, what’s your advice on dealing with jealousy bordering on obsession?”
Seymour: “I can go into therapy.”
Ira: “That’s depressing.”
Seymour: “That’s why I drink.” (1:18)

Abby tells Ira, referring to her ex-husband Ronnie, “He needed to see me to make amends for cheating on me. He’s in a 12 step program. He’s a heroin addict.” (1:26)

Arlene and Seymour in session with Dr. Goldman. (1:28)

Group psychotherapy session with all the psychotherapists and psychoanalysts. Ira tells Seymour, “You’re the one who said it would help to have an affair of your own along with some other depressing...”
Abby: “I was 19 years old with Gus, and Ronnie was a drug addict.”
Seymour, referring to psychotherapists: “The only reason that we make money is that people can’t talk to each other.” (1:30)

Ira tells Abby, “I promise to never, ever, go into therapy again for any reason.” (1:36)