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Real Life

Charles Grodin, Frances Lee McCain, J.A. Preston, Matthew Tobin, Albert Brooks, Lisa Urette, Dick Haynes, Robert Stirrat, David Spielberg, Jennings Lang
chlorpromazine | Thorazine | diazepam | Valium
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

Albert: “I’d like to introduce two of the finest psychological consultants that money can buy... Dr. Howard Hill... Dr. Ted Cleary.” (0:05) 

Psychological tests. Albert: “This test was invaluable, not just because of the insights it gave into relationships...” (0:12)

Albert: “This was done to reduce possible confusion and to heighten the reality.” (0:15)

Albert, referring to the two candidate families: “If I were a liar, I could tell you that we chose one over the other for complicated psychological reasons.” (0:18)

Albert introduces the Yeagers: “These are my two psychological consultants.”
Ted: “You see, I’m writing a series of articles on this project for the Journal of American Psychology.”
Albert: “The Journal of American Psychology.” (0:22)

Albert asks Ted, “Some good insights for you?” (0:29)

Subject Jeannette, referring to her veterinarian husband Warren, “See, this thing is so new to him, and he’s very nervous and edgy.” (0:36)

Jeannette’s gynecologist Dr. Maxwell Lennert asks his nurse for “Two Thorazine.”
Albert: “This guy’s nuts.” (0:40)

Albert tells Ted, “I’m just trying to tune in on your particular level of anxiety.” (0:44)

Albert: “You could feel the excitement in the air as Yeager ordered the final dosage of anesthetic.”
Warren: “Okay, let’s give him two and a half percent halothane...”
”Let’s give him the anesthetic... Two and a half percent halothane.”
Anesthetist: “Dr. Yeager, that’s five percent halothane.”
Warren: “Don’t panic. Don’t panic.” (0:48)

Albert: “On Wednesday Mrs. Yeager was informed that her grandmother passed away from the stroke.”
Burial. (0:53)

Albert: “The following week was one of the most depressing periods I had experienced since childhood. The entire family was now grief stricken... Dr. Yeager would sleep sometimes for 18 hours straight.” (0:54)

By telephone Albert tells Jeannette, “I know that you two have been very depressed...” (0:55)

Albert, referring to Warren: “He set the mood... These people had been depressed long enough.” (0:57)

Warren tells Albert, “Now, I don’t know too much about it, but I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown.” (0:59)

Albert: “Dr. Ann Kramer, a good psychologist, generally a nice person.”
Ann: “The institute has a center up in the foothills that’s used for encounter and therapy sessions...”
Ted: “Are you crazy?”
”Why don’t you just put ‘em all on drugs? Give them psychiatrists.”
”I’d be suicidal.”
Albert: “It can get depressing.”
”But what about the Journal of American Psychology?”
Ted: “The Journal of American Psychology?” (1:00)

Albert, referring to Ted: “Stringing together a bunch of familiar catch phrases like mind control and psychological rape, he wrote one of those quickie books...”
Howard: “He also says you’re paranoid.”
Albert: “They called Baby Ruth paranoid too.” (1:14)

Dr. Isaac Steven Hayward: “... entirely new field of psychological...” (1:20)

By telephone producer Martin tells Albert, “You’re nuts to want to do this again.”
Albert: “Don’t call me nuts. You’re nuts.”
Martin: “You’re nuts.”
Albert: “You’re nuts.”
Martin: “You’re nuts.”
Albert: “You’re nuts.”...
Howard offers Albert “Valium.” (1:25)

Albert tells cameraman Pete, “Star Wars.”
”I’m mentally ill. I’m going nuts.”
Gone with the Wind.”
”You didn’t see Gone with the Wind?” (1:31)

Howard asks Albert, “Are you crazy?”
Albert: “Crazy?... Was David O. Selznick crazy?” (1:34)