Narrator: "Psychos seize Santa's workshop." (0:02)
Television executive Frank Cross tells his boss, "Don't worry, Preston." (0:12)
Frank tells his brother James,"All these idiots are going to be home watching the boob tube for me tonight." (0:15)
Frank's secretary Grace tells her son Calvin, "$200 I don't have to tell me that you don't speak... I know you don't speak, yet." (0:17)
Frank tells Claire Phillips,"... I'm a seafood nut..." (0:30)
Frank hallucinates. (0:34)
The Ghost of Christmas Past tells another driver, "Go back to Jersey, you moron." (0:37)
The Ghost of Christmas Past tells Frank, "That was the kid on The Courtship of Eddie's Father." (0:41)
Frank tells a younger self, "You idiot, you moron, get back there."
”What an idiot I am.”
Referring to Tina: ”I must have been out of my mind. She was crazy about me.” (0:43)
Frank tells Claire, referring to Christmas, "It's a time to be a little less selfish, you know?" (0:50)
An actor playing Scrooge asks Frank, "What, are you crazy?"
Frank: “Yeah, buddy, I'm crazy, crazy like a fox, crazy enough to see through your little tricks.” (0:52)
His new assistant Brice tells Frank, "We were so worried about you. Everybody was worried sick." (0:59)
James’ wife Wendie tells a dog, "You are crazy." (1:05)
Frank tells unresponsive Herman, "You moron..." (1:09)
Brice, referring to The Ghost of Christmas Future: "Get this nut cake out of here." (1:12)
Eliot Loudermilk tells Frank, "I can't recall much after that because ever since then, I've been blind, stinking drunk." (1:16)
Frank finds Grace and Calvin in a padded room.
Frank: ”Don't worry about it.” (1:18)
Frank, seeing his sister-in-law in front of a casket: "James, my brother, he's dead." (1:20)
Production technician, referring to Frank: "He's drunk."
Another technician: ”He's nuts.”
Frank: ”What kind of a rat bastard idiot would schedule a live show on Christmas Eve?”
By telephone, Rhinelander tells Loudermilk, ”I want to talk to the idiot who put that moron on the air.”
Loudermilk: ”Brice Cummings is the idiot, sir.”
Frank: ”Tonight I think we can do this without serious physical or psychological damage?”
”I’m not crazy.” (1:24)