The film opens with a psychotherapy session in which bartender Dennis tells his silent psychotherapist, "So I figured I must have some issues that I'm not dealing with." (0:01)
Dennis as narrator refers to agent Sheila's experience "which led to rehab..." (0:07)
Actor Brian demonstrates ataxic effects of alcohol intoxication. (0:11)
Dennis tells Brian "You were really drunk. I had to do something." (0:14)
Dennis tells Brian "I'm studying to become a licensed psychologist."
Brian: "A shrink?" (0:19)
Dennis reads a page on denial from a book that appears to be entitled "Psychotherapy for Dummies."
Brian: "All I've got's a hangover."
Dennis tells Brian: "You're in denial...
Brian: "No, I'm not"
Dennis: "You're denying you're in denial?" (0:20)
Brian tells actor Jamie, "He's a therapist."
Dennis corrects: "Behavioral psychologist." (0:23)
Dennis reads, "The therapist must get the new patient to acknowledge his or her issues..." (0:26)
Dennis conducts an impromptu psychotherapy session with Brian. Dennis refers in his book to material covering "childhood trauma." (0:29)
Dennis looks up "pain" in his book. (0:32)
Dennis tries to do psychotherapy in a bar. (0:35)
Dennis conducts an impromptu session with Jamie's brother Nick. (0:47)
Jamie tells Brian: "You're the one who fell down... drunk." (0:48)
Dennis sets limits with Jamie, when she asks about Brian, "I can't tell you. Doctor-patient confidentiality." (0:50)
Dennis reads his computer screen: "America's Online Psychiatric College" and "Chat with your virtual professor... alcohol abuse." He conducts another session with Jamie. (0:52)
Dennis asks Brian, "You gonna jump?"
Brian: "Thinkin' about it."
Dennis, after he tries to dissuade Brian: "Well then, head first, right?" (0:53)
Dennis conducts an impromptu session with Jamie. (0:55)
Dennis in another session with his psychotherapist. (0:56)
Dennis: "Look Jamie, I know you have some boundary issues with me, but..."
Jamie: "I don't have boundary issues with you. I just want you out of my house."
Dennis: "That's a boundary issue." (0:58)
Brian tells Dennis, "I was drunk last night." (1:00)
In what becomes a psychotherapy group Brian introduces Dennis to his friends: "Dennis is my "
Dennis starts to say: "Thera..."
Dennis tells Brian: "I want you to embrace those feelings."
Brian's friend Michelle: "I feel Brian's an alcoholic..."
The ersatz session ends with a group hug. (1:01)
Dennis gets supervision via online chat. (1:05)
Dennis narrates about his "patients:" "Their issues and denial are so deep seeded... " (1:06)
Brian and Jamie put Dennis on the spot, but he is saved by a fortune cookie "Sometimes what you want isn't what you need." (1:08)
After Dennis processes termination he moves on to treatment of producer Jeremy, then addresses more boundary issues: Dennis tells Brian and Jamie, "Nobody wants to see an anorexic do a nude scene." (1:11)
Dennis, in session with his psychotherapist again, pontificates: "Ever since Freud there's been a big debate about psychoanalysis, whether it's a science or an art."
"Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung [pronounced with a "J" sound], Dr Phil..."
"Some people think that one day there won't be a need for therapists, you know, that all of our issues and dysfunctions will be cured just by taking a pill..."
"People will always need somebody to listen."
The "therapist," who turns out to have been a Jehovah's Witness, walks out in a huff. (1:14)
Also see Mumford and Intimate Strangers for portrayal of amateur psychotherapists.