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Of Two Minds

Terri Cheney, Carlton Davis, Cheri Keating, Jenifer Lewis, Michael Peterson, Jonee B. Shady, Liz Spikol,
Virginia Woolf | Ernest Hemingway | John Allyn Berryman | Sylvia Plath | Vicodin | hydrocodone-acetaminophen | Vincent van Gogh | coffee | marijuana | crack cocaine | lamotrigine | lithium | Lamictal
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

Lisa, referring to her sister Tina: "Wacky, eccentric, outrageous, crazy... When she was diagnosed with manic depression a lot of things started to make sense: the manic energy of her highs, when she had no boundaries, the crushing lows of depression when she wouldn't come out of her room for days... Tina died in 1994, and I'll never know if she wanted to end her life or was just trying to escape the pain." (0:00)

Cheri: "This is what it feels like when you're manic." (0:01)

Man: "Do I think that people view me in a certain way because they know that I'm bipolar?"
Man: "I'm comfortable with being labeled mentally ill, but i'm not comfortable with being bipolar..." (0:02)

Cheri: "When you're at the very height of mania, before it goes to psychosis, you feel like God. I've been hearing people talk about for years that they had a schizophrenic uncle or, you know, they had an uncle who was committed... Within two months of moving to LA, I was planning my suicide... Before I knew it I was slicing myself and cutting myself. I remember thinking this is what crazy people look like in movies. My first knowledge of the beginning of the bipolar, for me, is when I remember hallucinations starting... first tried to kill myself when I was 14... I slit my wrist... I didn't get diagnosed until 31... That waiting room alone is enough to do yourself in. I was diagnosed bipolar... with the free psychiatrist... I'm gonna kill myself if I don't get help." (0:03)

Cheri's boyfriend Petey: "I didn't know a whole lot about being bipolar."
Petey: "The first time I noticed her, a bit of a mania... 'I think I'm a bit manic tonight.'"
Cheri: "My neuroses are running rampant... can't be classified as crazy... if it wasn't for all the crazy people in the world... " (0:07)

Sign: “Terri Cheney: The Dark Side of Innocence: Growing Up Bipolar
Teri: "Well let me describe depression... hospitalized for severe depression... I learned about treatment... what it feels like to be manic... The reason I wrote the book was I was hospitalized for severe depression... what it feels like to be manic or hypomanic or depressed... when I was depressed I realized I really should call my doctor." (0:10)

Dr. Daniel Siegel "Bipolar disorder is a condition... irritability or mania... rigid state of depression..." (0:11)

Dr. Timothy Pylko: "I like to think of bipolar disorder as..." (0:11)

Jenifer: "A mental illness? Are you insane? Bipolar disorder affects everything..." (0:12)

Sign: "Welcome To The Nut House." (0:13)

Architect Carlton: "... where I ended up sexually abused... I took 150 aspirin tablets on top of a bottle of Scotch... The psychiatrist... disappeared. ... taken off to the state psychiatric hospital... his whole apartment was full of electric typewriters... The guy was nuts. I discovered how you get out of a mental hospital because you play sane. So I just pretended I was sane... I was bipolar." (0:14)

Liz: "The word bipolar is used completely indiscriminately... what people with mental illness are like ... I feel like I play sane every day... when I was 17 I got raped, and after the rape I went crazy, and after I went crazy I stayed crazy and I was crazy for years... my friend said the words I think you're going crazy... what does that mean, going crazy?... and that was a hallucination..." (0:16)

Liz, referring to her mother Linda: "Good boundaries."
Linda: "So call me crazy."
Liz: "I experienced mania as exhilaration... some kind of a psychotic episode... drove myself to the state hospital... That's where I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder... in a mental hospital, psychiatric facility loony bin type of place." (0:19)

Art: "We... were told by Liz that she was in a mental hospital."
Liz: "I really did... lose my mind... had a predisposition, genetically, to bipolar disorder because my mother has it... that rape trauma." (0:21)

Linda: " ... hints of dysfunction or neuroses before then, but she didn't check herself in to a mental hospital. She checked herself in to a suicide ward."
"... whether she was crazy or not."
Liz: "Every time I would get really suicidal... In this folder several suicide letters..."
Linda: "She didn't want to die so much as she wanted to commit suicide."
Liz reads from her letter: "I know how irksome it is when suicides don't leave that telltale note..."
Linda gives permission: "You can do it. I will help you."
Liz: "Balzac, Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Virginia Woolf, Hemingway... I put stars next to the people who committed suicide... John Berryman killed himself, so I'm allowed also... I'm like Sylvia Plath." (0:22)

Jenifer: "People say I'm crazy, but they've been saying I was crazy since I was five... Crazy means fabulous... She's crazy..." (0:26)

Television reporter: "Psycho Donuts Controversy"
"... donut... on medication, and given it a shock treatment."
Signs: "OPEN FOR INSANITY" "Mood Swing" "Jekyll and Hyde" "Manic Malt" (0:26)

Student Samantha: "... these really crazy donuts... a bipolar donut."
Baker: "This is our mood swing donut, formerly known as the bipolar donut... split personality... massive head trauma."
Baker: "We have people who are bipolar, and they come in just to get the bipolar donut... now... the mood swing..." (0:26)

Cheri: "Just the most rotten and foul mood... suicide bad... I then realized I could kill myself now if I wanted to... take every pill in the house... searched the house and found all the Vicodins and antidepressants... put me under suicide watch..."
"Do I really want to end my life...? I'm gonna commit myself..."
Title: "A few months into their relationship Petey was diagnosed bipolar."
Pety: "She's like, I'm bipolar... I find out I'm bipolar... When somebody finally tells you... you have this mental disorder... every right to be... wacky."
Cheri: "I was very much immersed in my bipolarness... seasoned pro bipolar."
Petey: "Let me tell you how cool this psych emergency ward is at nighttime... think about killing yourself?"
Cheri: "I guess neither one of us wanted that to be the diagnosis." (0:28)

Carlton: "... like a lot of bipolar people... I'm like Vincent Van Gogh."
"Of course it was sex, drugs and rock and roll. I lived on marijuana and espresso coffee."
"That used to be a good transvestite bar there." (0:34)

Carlton cross-dressed: "I really liked transforming myself into a woman."
"Being bipolar... roller coaster ride... black depression... irritable... great depression... way to kill myself." (0:37)

Carlton friend Pamela, "When he started to get into crack..."
Carlton: "That was the time of my worst addiction... Crazy. I was crazier than a loon... in full drag, and I had a crack pipe in my car... find a crack pipe... suicide by cop." (0:39)

Ginger: "... snooping in his closet for drugs... showed he was cross-dressing." (0:40)

Carlton: "I was tired of cross-dressing. I was tired of going and trying to kill myself... "
"I never thought I could get off of crack cocaine... I decided to commit suicide... I couldn't kill myself... " (0:41)

Sabrina: "Will I kill myself... "
Her mother Monni: "Bipolar didn't define Miya... so special because she was bipolar."
Miya's friend Nicole: "Even though she was like crazy... so impulsive."
Monni: "1:30 in the morning I get a call. Miya hung herself." (0:43)

Miya's psychotherapist Carole: "It had a profound impact on me, and not as a psychologist, a psychotherapist, but as a human being." (0:46)

Liz: "I was on disability... Not everybody who has a mental illness is stumbling along the street and talking to themselves... I started to attack issues that were related to mental illness... when I went to get ECT... on the psych ward... shock treatments are no longer brutal..."
Linda, referring to Liz: "But she's not about mental illness as a positive thing. She's about destigmatizing mental illness... denying the pain and terror of it."
Liz: "This is the least amount of psych meds... since insanity... defined as a person with bipolar disorder..."
Linda: "She's going to kill herself as soon as I'm dead..." (0:47)

Tom: "I think depression is the hard part for a lot of people. We like the mania. We want the mania. We don't want the depression." (0:53)

Celia: "One person who's labeled bipolar and the next have very different experiences in life... diverse experiences within people that have a label of bipolar." (0:53)

David: "When you see somebody who's so-called crazy..." (0:54)

Actor David: "I think of manic-depression that way..." (0:54)

Petey: "As far as being bipolar, yeah, I don't take meds. My scrips are still on the... fridge."
Cheri: "This definitely goes to the trickiness of the bipolar mind trying to get out of taking meds... My excuse has always been rationalization..."
Cheri reads a letter from Aetna: "... history of bipolar disorder..." She holds a prescription bottle of lamotrigine.
"... insurance I don't have because of the fact that I'm bipolar, plus my psychiatry visits, plus my therapy every week. (0:55)

Cheri: "I tend to be manic when I travel... sadness is different than depression..."
Petey: "... that extreme bipolar..."
"At some point you just have to get off crazy mountain." (0:57)

Liz: "Although I'm out to the world about having bipolar disorder... I am the public crazy person... you don't want to freak them out."
Liz's boyfriend Vince: "I was aware that she had the diagnosis..."
Liz: "My psychiatrist says that I'm very weird... the way girls do in the movies, in "Bye Bye Birdie" when they're on the phone." (1:00) Liz's girlfriend Laura: "Well you still have that whole psychosis thing."
"And I was totally in denial about that."
Liz: "Sex is definitely a heightened experience when you're manic..."
Vince: "Even though she was freaking out... totally panicked..." (1:03)

Ed, referring to Carlton: "It was crack cocaine..."
Ginger: "I had been going to counseling... and he said, he's bipolar... got his diagnosis in the spring of 2003."
Carlton: "I didn't have to give it up to... whatever it was in the 12 step programs."
"You mean it was just a biochemical imbalance in my own brain?... a lot of people who are very opposed to any kind of psychotropic meds."
Ginger: "Whether you were low, whether you were high..."
Carlton: "Genuine crazy."
"Crazy." (1:09)

Cheri: "Depression is, it's the great lack. Most people... can be moody, depressed, grumpy, whatever... I basically had a nervous breakdown on Friday."
Petey: "What make you all euphoric and all intoxicated is..."
Cheri: "Having sex while you're manic..." (1:14)

Cheri tells a vendor, "Yeah, I have bipolar illness."
"I'm not manic. I'm not depressed, suicidally depressed of course." (1:20)

Petey: "I know a lot of people who aren't bipolar have done some really crappy, awful things, that has nothing to do with being bipolar... when I met Cheri she was on Lamictal and lithium... I'm totally depressed..." (1:21)

Liz: "In terms of defining bipolar disorder..."
Cheri: "Bipolar's a disease. I am not bipolar... whether it's cancer... or bipolar disorder it isn't you." (1:23)

Cheri: "When I'm manic, the sky is bluer than it could ever possibly be." (1:24)

Liz: "I have no interest in the... aspects of pain and madness." (1:24)

Petey: "It's therapy receipts." (1:26)

Jennifer: "Now that was manic." (1:26)