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Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken, David Hasselhoff, Henry Winkler, Julie Kavner, Sean Astin, Joseph Castanon, Jonah Hill, Jake Hoffman
crack cocaine | dextromethorphan | lysergic acid diethylamide | marijuana | morphine
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

Architect Michael tells his boss John, “Some moron in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot, so...” (0:04)

Michael's wife Donna tells Michael’s mother Trudy, referring to Michael, “It's driving me crazy.”
Trudy: ”He's going to kill himself.” (0:09)

Michael tells Donna, “When I get to that place and become a boss... the first thing I’m gonna do is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work... I guess when you combine mass quantities of cough syrup with Yodels, you get acid.” (0:19)

Donna tells her friend Janine, referring to her daughter, “God, if Samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.”
Michael: ”Even Montel Williams thinks you're crazy...”
Janine: ”I have had self-esteem issues since I was a kid.” (0:22)

Michael: “I'm an idiot.”
”Hey, psychedelic.”
”I'm not freaked out enough?” (0:25)

John's secretary, referring to Denise: “She's got to go to rehab again...” (0:32)

Michael gestures a gunshot to his head with his hand. (0:33)

Samantha: ”Did you smoke crack, Daddy?” (0:42)

Michael: “Don't get the Hulk angry.” (0:43)

John tells Michael, “I'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists.”
Businessman: ”These morons are so boring...” (0:46)

Angel of Death Morty: “Michael, you don't understand the metaphor?” (0:55)

Donna: “Michael, have you lost your mind?” (0:56)

Michael tells neighbor Mrs. O'Doyle, referring to the cigar, “I think I smell marijuana in it.”
He tells young Kevin, ”Dope is for dopes, buddy.” (0:57)

John tells Janine, “Well, Dr. Bergman helped us work through it, didn't he?” (0:59)

Donna and Michael in couples session with Dr. Bergman. (0:59)

Donna tells Michael, “I'm really confused.” (1:02)

Michael tells Morty, “I'm freaking out.” (1:03) M

Michael tells Donna, “...I'm laying there like an idiot, smiling...”
Narrator: “Once again, Michael left Donna in bed, confused and unsatisfied.” (1:05)

John tells Michael, “That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.” (1:07)

John drops a hookah tube and tells Michael, “Eric Lamensoff killed himself, so you better stop with the junk food, Mister Chairman, or you'll end up killing yourself, too.” (1:09)

Ben tells Michael, “It's really good for my self-esteem.” (1:11)

Donna tells Michael, “I thought they weaned you off the morphine... Since the head injury you haven't been healthy a full day.”
”I'm going to go ask them to cut back on the painkillers.” (1:15)

Michael tells himself, “All your dreams came true, huh, moron.” (1:16)

Grief overcomes Michael after Ben tells him that Michael's father Ted has died. (1:19)

Michael visits his father's grave in a cemetery. (1:19, 1:23)

A retail clerk tells Michael, “You look like you're having a crazy dream.” (1:35)

Michael tells Ted, “Please, it's driving me crazy.”
Trudy tells Michael, ”But honey, stay off the bong pipe.”(1:36)

Michael reads a note from Morty, “Your wife's rockin’ body still drives me crazy.” (1:40)